A YEAR TO LIVE - a new type of leadership.

I thought I was through the fear. When I first considered living next year as if I only have A YEAR TO LIVE, it scared me. It excited and inspired me, no doubt, but it also scared me. Would I be brave enough to make the choices that I would really make if it were my last year. How would it effect those around me. Would people think I was crazy. Should I tell people about it or not.

The more I wanted to do this the more it scared me. Once I committed to doing it the fear increased. I found I couldn't stop thinking about what might unfold next year. How it might change me. What things I might do differently. Soon the fear subsided and the void it left filled with excitement, enthusiasm and curiosity.

Now I'm facing a whole new fear, or perhaps it's the same fear cleverly disguised. This fear is dressed as, "Who am I to lead this?" I'm not a therapist, spiritual teacher, motivational speaker or author. I've never done anything like this in my life. I haven't even practiced it for myself, and here I am inviting others to join me in this adventure.

Some of the people who are joining this experiment are teachers and guides who should be the ones leading this experiment. They have more experience with matters of life and death. I find that having them in the group is humbling and intimidating. Donna Belk is a death dula who teaches The Yoga of Dying. Caroline Flanders leads family directed funerals. Richard Cohn is a well respected therapist and shaman. I could go on and on. Many of the participants are the very people I would look to for guidance in living my life if I only had a year to live.

What I realized this morning is that I'm not leading others in the way I've considered leadership in the past. I'm not going to be telling people what to do over the year. I'm going to lead my life and they'll lead theirs. Throughout the year I will share my journey with others, encourage them to share their experience and ideas with me, and hopefully draw from this vast pool of experience of those who carry in their cells the essence of what it means to face death with dignity, grace and an open heart.

As I let this sink it - it hasn't totally yet - I can feel the fear shifting to gratitude. A few days ago my friend Sugar asked if I would really offer this experiment to others if I only had a year to live. I said I would. I was glad she asked. When I had a moment to think about it I was clear that I would want my last life to be as full and rewarding as possible. One of the biggest rewards for me is to be of service. With only a year to live I would want to find a meaningful way to be of service to others. Perhaps this offering would fill that need.

As I think of this project as an act of service I find the fear subsiding. Gratitude is filling its place. I'm grateful to be of service. I'm grateful for the close friends and strangers who've decided to join me even though they have no idea where it will take us. I'm grateful for the rich resources we have in those who are noted experts in this field and those who are as yet un-noted experts in living.

I'm grateful that I'm already becoming aware of some of the fears that stop me from living fully. I can see how stepping back into a leadership role scares me. I've avoided it for many years now. This is an opportunity for me to approach leadership in a new way. The kind of leadership where no one person makes the decisions or has the answers. The kind of leadership where people create a container and hold a space for everyone to thrive, contribute, learn and grow together.

If you'd like to join this experiment and be the leader of your own life as if you have only A YEAR TO LIVE, contact me at Debra@Bcelebrated.com