Shilpa's Year to Live - Week Six

A year to live by Shilpa

The past few weeks, I have been busy with family, friends and work. I did have a chance to head out to Mammoth for some R&R. The snow conditions were remarkable and I was miserable to say the least that I was not able to ski. I love to ski, it is one of my few passions and can’t wait to get my kids on the slopes. However, this ski trip was different, because it did cross my mind what if this is my last year and this is my last opportunity to hit the slopes. How am I feeling? Well I was extremely depressed and tried to put on a good face for the group. I did take this opportunity to bond with my friends over spa treatments and food. This was especially nice, since we all left our kids behind. We all had the opportunity to focus on each other and actually finish a conversation. I love my friends and to me there are my family.

I also saw the light - Moving forward I am not going to put off something I love to do. For the past few years, I have only gone up to the mountains once maybe twice a season. This is not cool. Since skiing is something I truly enjoy and can only be done certain times during year, I need to reprioritize. Skiing is a luxury and I need to budget for it. It also takes some effort to drive out to the mountains and actually plan accommodations etc… Luckily, I love to plan so this is easy. Finally, I just need to be better about committing, packing and heading out the door with family, friends or alone.

n addition to work and play, I have been working on my “Bucket List.” I have created two sheets, as Debra from Bcelebrated suggested. 1. MY TO DO LIST and 2. MY TO BE LIST.

My “To Do” list is mostly comprised of travel destinations, adventure activities etc.. A few examples: Complete the Malibu Triathlon, Go to Base Camp at Everest, Take pottery classes, Take up Buddhish Chanting, Rent a Villa in France or Italy and spend a week or so wine tasting and cooking. For this, I definitely need my sister and brother-in-law to show up. They are the foodies in our family! Heli-ski in Canada, Stay at the Ice Hotel, Have a meal at the Undersea Restaurant in the Maldives.

My “To Be” list is comprised of characteristics that I want to improve on, stop doing or begin to express. This list is definitely more challenging to create. I have to become more introspective and really look at myself in a honest and unbiased light. I am still working on this list but can share a few entries: Be more calm, Be healthy, Be more giving to the community, Prioritize me more than I do now, Accept all compliments and criticisms objectively, not personally, Be a parent who is open, empathic and involved. These are a few.

s I began to create these lists, I have found that they are inseparable. In order for me to complete my “To Be” list I need to have follow-up actions on my “To Do” list. Vice versa, the items on my “To Do” list need to be back by the type of person I want to be. Confused yet? For example, if I need to be more “calm” then I need to do an activity i.e. pottery class, Buddhist chanting or Pilates to help me get there.

Something else came out of me creating these lists. Things actually started to happen. For example, when I started to tell people I want to go Heli-skiing and take up Buddhist chanting , I started to meet people who have connections, information and deals to help me get what I need. It is amazing the power the universe provides to you once you are clear in your goals. My advice- write it down!

Finally, my sister has always wanted to climb Half Dome, so for her birthday this year she is planning a trip and I am going to do it with her. It will be about 2 ½ months after I deliver so hopefully it will work out. But it is on her “To Do” list and I want to help her achieve her goals. Not to mention, it is a good one so I have also added it to my list! Thanks Sis for the idea. I give you all the credit LOL!

A Year to Live - A Life In Review

It is said that when facing a death many people see their life flash before their eyes. I decided not to wait to the end. Rather than a flash it was more of a feature film played out on the big screen of my imagination. I relaxed and let my mind float from one memory to another. I was felt such deep appreciation for the wonderful people in my life, the chance to live in three great cities and one amazing small village, have a career full of challenging, meaningful work that excited me, and the many experiences of love I've had. I was so grateful, feeling deeply how great my life really has been, how rich and full, and truly satisfying.

The experience held some surprises for me. People I hadn't spoken to or thought about in years came to mind. After meditating on it all, I wrote down the memories. I found myself compelled to reach out and find some of the people from my past. It was wonderful to express my gratitude for the joy of knowing them at some point in my life. In a few situations there was a voice inside my brain that tried to stop me, and I'll tell you why.

During my late teens and early twenties I was very involved in a church. The beliefs, activities and community of the church were all consuming for me. At 21 I realized that I had lost myself during those years. I had joined the church after a deeply personal spiritual experience that I could only define as God. Overwhelmed by this touch of grace and wanting to know more, I was lead to this church. I parroted the churches teachings without checking inside myself. I gave up many things I loved so that I would fit in. Eventually, I no longer knew who I really was, and I didn't like many aspects of who I had become. I felt that the only way to get to know myself was to pull away from the church. A clean break was needed so I could do some soul searching and exploration to learn what was true for me. Separating from the church I also cut myself off from the community, which included a few very close friends. It was the loneliest time of my life, but I felt a need to endure this dark period to reap the rewards of much needed self discovery. For years following I was a seeker. It's much more "comfortable" to be sure than to seek, but seeking was what I needed to do.

Over the years I have thought about a few friends from this church, wondering where life has lead them. I had impulses to reach out and find them, but pangs of guilt and shame stopped me every time. I had turned my back on their beliefs and their friendship. Why would they ever welcome me back? And if they did, would our relationship be riddled with attempts to convert me. I didn't feel strong enough to face all that reconnecting might entail, until I was faced with A YEAR TO LIVE.

During my life review I remembered these friends who had once been so dear to me. I knew that I would regret reaching the end of my life without telling them how much I loved them, how much their friendship had meant to me, and sharing with them who I have become.

Thanks to the internet I found them easily. I shared with them where my life had taken me, what I'd learned about myself and what I believe and no longer believe at this stage of my life. I didn't know how they would respond, and I realized as I wrote to them that their response was not the point. My expression of love, gratitude and truth-telling was.

Then I got an email that was a far bigger blessing than I could have imagined from one friend, "I can't tell you in words small or great, just how wonderful it is to be in contact with you again," he wrote. "If I drew a time line of my life, and gave it different tones and colors according to my reflections of my time, your space would definitely be bright." I was moved to tears.

I'm sharing this with you to encourage you to act before it's too late. It would be a shame to get to the end of your life and know that you had impulses to reach out and connect with loved-ones from your past and didn't do it. If you never take the chance you'll never get the reward.

Bcelebrated is a great way to reach out to people in your life and leave them words that will comfort them long after you are gone. Sign up for a Free Trial today.