Creating A Paradigm Shift

Today I was interviewed about Bcelebrated by Michael Rosenwald of the Washington Post. He wanted to know how we started, what we offer, and why we created it. He asked really intelligent questions. The one I liked best was, "Are you creating a paradigm shift around dying, or is there already a shift happening". My answer was "BOTH".

We live in a very different world from our grandparents and parents. When our grandparents died it was pretty simple to get the word out. They likely lived close to their family and friends. People were called, an obituary was written, people read the paper and knew where to show up for the funeral. They brought food to comfort the family.

Now you are likely to live thousands of miles from your family. Your friends are spread out across the globe, and some of them you have yet to met face to face, though you have a thriving online relationship. Your kids probably won't respond to you unless you text them. Phoning is so passe. We've changed the way we communicate and the way we celebrate. The other day a friend posted on facebook that she'd attended a wedding in Israel live via skype from her living room in Venice, CA.

It just makes sense that the way we approach death should catch up with the way we approach life. Baby boomers have been leaders in trends and they are no different when it comes to death. They are actively involved in determining what they want said, done, and displayed at their funerals. They want to express themselves in death just as they have been in life.

So the paradigm is shifting due to the boomer's desires to express their individuality and in the advances in technology. We are leading the shift in the development of a site that enables you to determine how you are remembered through your autobiographical memorial site, enabling you to leave private messages to loved ones that will be accessible once you are gone, making your last wishes known to trusted individuals, and automatically notifying all of your community at the time of your passing, informing them of your memorial and inviting them to your site.

But creating a shift is much deeper than offering a usable site. Our highest goal for Bcelebrated is to help people embrace death as a part of life. When you deny death you really limit life's vitality. We want to inspire people to live life to the fullest, embracing the reality that our time here is limited so let's get on with what really matters - love, compassion, self expression, creation, exploration, adventure, and presence. That's why we offer contests, events and social experiments to inspire you to live more fully and support you in addressing issues that are holding you back.

Our motto is a quote from Ray Charles - Live each day as if it were your last, cause one day you'll be right.

Wishing you a very full life!

Debra

Are you ready to stop weighting?

When we developed Bcelebrated it was with the intention to inspire people to live life more fully as we helped them prepare for death. To do that we run contests, host social experiments to enliven participants, and provide expert advice on issues that hold people back from living life to the fullest.

At this time of year thousands of people start drastic diets and intense exercise regimes to lose the weight that's keep them from fully enjoying their life. Having seen many friends start diets only to fall of the wagon weeks later feeling defeated, we thought it would be good to provide some expert advice on how to shed pounds in a way that is holistic and long lasting. That's why we've teamed up with Stacey Grieve of Why Are You Weighting - to help you live the life you really want, at your ideal weight. Stacey is an expert at shedding pounds and keeping them off... for GOOD! You can enter our contest and win a 15 week coaching program where Stacey will teach you how to do the same. This coaching program is valued at $899.00.

Stop weighting and ENTER THE CONTEST TODAY

The contest closes January 31, so please share the information with your friends and family before it's too late.

When I say Stacey's an expert, I mean it. When it comes to Weight Loss she can really say, "Been there, Done that, Wrote the book." When I met Stacey she weighed over 300 lbs. For years I watched her try every diet and workout plan. No one was ever a more determined than Stacey. Each plan had varying degrees of success, but they all had one thing in common: the results were temporary. After months and months of portioned meals, counting calories, cardio, weights and whatever else her plan required, Stacey would reach her goal only to find herself creeping back up the scales shortly after. It was heartbreaking to see, but even more heartbreaking for her to experience. But for some reason she never gave up.

Then about a decade ago Stacey started studying the connection between the mind and body, and how our thoughts create feelings, which lead to actions, which create more thoughts, feelings, etc. She applied this knowledge to her own life, and was able to trace her problems with weight back to earlier thoughts and feelings she developed about herself while growing up. Once she became aware of the source of her problem, she was able to address it properly, rather than mask the issues with another diet and exercise plan.

Proving that she was able to maintain her lower weight for years without dieting or excessive, potentially dangerous workout plans Stacey wrote a book and began teaching others to do the same. The program works for anyone who's interested in learning more about themselves and why they do the things they do.

Enter the contest and let Stacey coach you through a proven program to stop weighting.

Shilpa's Year to Live - Week One

You may recall my amazement when Shilpa, a pregnant young mother, joined a year to live. I promised I would get her to blog about her experience and here is her first installment.

A year to live -- Week 1

Well, it’s week one and I have started to think about my year to live. So many thoughts and emotions cross my mind. I am at a loss of what to say and how to begin.  In one year, I would be leaving behind a 2.5 year old son aka “Sharkboy”, a 6 month old baby aka “Little Kibu” and my hubby aka "Survivorman".

My immediate thought is "how Survivorman will handle the demands of the family. I worry that he will feel so alone and spread too thin.  Thank goodness, we have amazing group of family and friends who are there to support us.   My two sisters are god-sent. They are and will be the most remarkable role models and mothers to our children.  I have grown up in a family where, extended family members i.e. uncles and aunts take on the same role and responsibility as my parents.  Since my birth, my parents, uncles and aunts have given me support, useful advice, knowledge, and exposure to the world and new experiences. I see this trend continuing through our generation.  

I feel confident that my spirit and legacy will be passed on and shared with my children and grandchildren.  They will have a good sense of who I am and where they came from. I view the Bcelebrated social experiment as a way for me to materialize my thoughts, goals, stories etc so it can be shared with future generations. This is something we all talk about but rarely ever do.  I am constantly telling my parents and their siblings to write or record our family history and their life story. It is so rich and to have those stories forgotten would be a shame.   So, as part of my year to live, I am going to start capturing our family history because it is a part of who I am. I will do this on my Bcelebrated site, leaving private messages for my loved ones, and also in my journal.

The last time I wrote in a journal was in high school. I burned that one!  I don’t need my family to read those crazy feelings.  As an adolescent, I was filled with so much angst and unnecessary resentment.  I look back and wonder why I worried about such petty issues.  I guess it’s part of growing up!   Anyways, in 2010 I will begin to keep a journal.  A special thanks to Survivorman for getting me the perfect journal.

This journal will be filled with stories from my past, family stories that have been passed down, my hopes for my children, my bucket list and my thoughts as I go through the next 365 days.

The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium.  ~Norbet Platt

I hope this runs true for me.

Finally, as I go through this journey, I hope to become more candid and open about my thoughts and feelings.  I want to share with you details and personal experiences.  But for now, I feel too naked.  It is going to take little time for me to shed my clothes! LOL!

Til next time.  Cheers! Shilpa

What is the RIGHT way to live?

After offering this experiment of A Year To Live to others I started feeling fearful about leading a group of people through this deeply personal process. As I sat with the fear I realized that I was holding onto an outdated image of leadership. One that didn't resonate with me. My intention with this experiment was initially to do it for myself, and then offer others the opportunity to live it for themselves. I offered to share things  with the group as they unfold for me and give suggestions, ideas, and resources that may inspire them. It felt important not to be directive as I couldn't possibly know what is appropriate for each person. I've never even met many of them.

After my first email of the year I started hearing from participants. Then of course it happened. Amongst the many that were telling me about their feelings, their plans, and their expectations there were a few that said, "Aren't you going to tell me what to do?", "Am I missing something? Where are the instructions for how to begin?" My initial response, which is the way I've responded to many situations throughout my life, was "I'm not doing it right."

It was a wonderful gift to see that old pattern creep in so soon in the experiment. The part of me that feels I can't do things right. I started wondering how often I've held myself back from doing things for fear I won't get it right. I remembered times when that fear stopped me from taking improv classes or dance classes. So sure I wouldn't be able to do it right. I also remembered times when it blocked my career. My friend Nancy showed me many years ago that I was approaching business opportunities offered to me with, "I wouldn't do it right". I had a belief that there was a "right" way to do things and that someone else knew this "right" way. Not me. I repeated this pattern over and over again, passing up opportunities, sure that I wouldn't get it right. Then Nancy guided me through that stuck place in a really graceful way. She said, "We know you don't know what to do, but if you were advising someone else on what to do in this situation, what would you say?"

Taking myself out of the picture was a great idea. I tapped into my intuition and suddenly "knew" what to do. Not because I had any more knowledge. I didn't. Perhaps I was bypassing knowledge and tapping into wisdom. That "knowing" we can all access when we stop thinking so much. Whenever I trust my intuition, tapping into that universal wisdom, things work out well. Unfortunately, regardless of the amazing experiences I've had from following my intuition I still override it regularly with thinking. Don't get me wrong, thinking is useful, and I'm grateful I have a functioning brain. But thinking is overused and there are many times when NOT THINKING is the answer.

I also remembered, with great compassion, the participants who contacted me before A Year To Live began and told me they feared they would not get it right. Mellissa Rudder wrote a thoughtful and eloquent piece about this in her blog. I encourage you to read it.

But before remembering that this pattern has been with me for so long, before remembering that I know to tap into my intuition which always gets it right, before remembering the participants who had this same fear, I had my patterned second response which is, "I'll change the way I'm doing it, because their way is the right way."  Thoughts kept swirling through my head, making me feel embarrassed, ashamed and not good enough. It didn't last long. I caught it quickly, that familiar old patterned. All I had to do was stop and breathe. As I breathed in I calmed down. As I breathed out I released fear and shame. I was quickly reminded of my intention in doing this. I once again felt that my intuition to provide suggestions but not directions was the right one. At least right for me, right now. 

Then a few days later I got a most powerful email from a participant. She began with "How does this work? Am I missing something? Should I be blogging? Creating a vision board?" By the fifth line she wrote, "If this were my last year to live I would structure it". Her email then turned into a dialogue she had with herself, in which she discovered what mattered to her most, she surprised herself with some of the things she wanted to accomplish because they didn't make logical sense. She got clear on how she wanted to be. She determined five things she wanted to accomplish in the year, and even prioritized her top two. In the end, all she needed from me was information about how to access the forum so she could share her experience and hear from others.

I'm so grateful for every single person who has asked me for more direction, and especially to this person who showed me that it's not needed. And I'm grateful for my pattern of thinking I'll get it wrong, as it continues to lead me to my intuition rather than logic.

January 1st the  A Year to Live experiment officially began. What a wonderful start to a year. Waking a little groggy from activities the night before, my husband and I did our usual morning walk along the ocean with our dog. The sky was bright, the air warm, and the ocean calm as a lone dolphin swam along the shore. None of this is uncommon, and I never take it for granted. I live with a deep sense of gratitude for all that surrounds me. Often Mark and I will say to each other, "Can you believe we live here?"

This day I had a whole new appreciation for it. It came into focus in a new way. Everything felt crisper, brighter, and yet softer. It was as if all of this, the earth, sky, ocean, each other, and life itself are all for my appreciation, my enjoyment. I felt love for everything I could see, hear and feel. I am reminded of the quote by Marcel Proust, "The real voyage of discovery is not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes."

Speaking of LOVE, I've spent the weeks leading up to this day allowing feelings to flow through me as I think about having A Year to Live. Preparing for this year I've been thinking about the past and present. The love I feel for my family and friends could split me in half. I'm overcome with gratitude for all the experiences I've had  - the joys, sorrows, laughs and challenges. I feel I've lived one of the most privileged lives I could imagine. Reviewing my life and the love I've experienced I feel incredibly full, satisfied, content. I could die without regret.  It may seem that I'm living in deep denial of death, but when I've faced death before  I was deeply grateful for my life and ready to go.

Then on the first day of this experiment things changed. Our dog walk lead to breakfast on the patio at La Grande Orange. While eating, Mark and I talked about the year ahead. It was the first time I'd really thought about my feelings in the future. The tears came. I was touched by a very tender sadness, imagining how it would be to say goodbye to Mark. But beneath the sadness was love. I was sad because I love him so much and saying goodbye would be painful a year from now. Goodbyes to all of my community would be sad because I feel so much love from them and for them. Deep love that will live on longer than me.