A YEAR TO LIVE - a new type of leadership.

I thought I was through the fear. When I first considered living next year as if I only have A YEAR TO LIVE, it scared me. It excited and inspired me, no doubt, but it also scared me. Would I be brave enough to make the choices that I would really make if it were my last year. How would it effect those around me. Would people think I was crazy. Should I tell people about it or not.

The more I wanted to do this the more it scared me. Once I committed to doing it the fear increased. I found I couldn't stop thinking about what might unfold next year. How it might change me. What things I might do differently. Soon the fear subsided and the void it left filled with excitement, enthusiasm and curiosity.

Now I'm facing a whole new fear, or perhaps it's the same fear cleverly disguised. This fear is dressed as, "Who am I to lead this?" I'm not a therapist, spiritual teacher, motivational speaker or author. I've never done anything like this in my life. I haven't even practiced it for myself, and here I am inviting others to join me in this adventure.

Some of the people who are joining this experiment are teachers and guides who should be the ones leading this experiment. They have more experience with matters of life and death. I find that having them in the group is humbling and intimidating. Donna Belk is a death dula who teaches The Yoga of Dying. Caroline Flanders leads family directed funerals. Richard Cohn is a well respected therapist and shaman. I could go on and on. Many of the participants are the very people I would look to for guidance in living my life if I only had a year to live.

What I realized this morning is that I'm not leading others in the way I've considered leadership in the past. I'm not going to be telling people what to do over the year. I'm going to lead my life and they'll lead theirs. Throughout the year I will share my journey with others, encourage them to share their experience and ideas with me, and hopefully draw from this vast pool of experience of those who carry in their cells the essence of what it means to face death with dignity, grace and an open heart.

As I let this sink it - it hasn't totally yet - I can feel the fear shifting to gratitude. A few days ago my friend Sugar asked if I would really offer this experiment to others if I only had a year to live. I said I would. I was glad she asked. When I had a moment to think about it I was clear that I would want my last life to be as full and rewarding as possible. One of the biggest rewards for me is to be of service. With only a year to live I would want to find a meaningful way to be of service to others. Perhaps this offering would fill that need.

As I think of this project as an act of service I find the fear subsiding. Gratitude is filling its place. I'm grateful to be of service. I'm grateful for the close friends and strangers who've decided to join me even though they have no idea where it will take us. I'm grateful for the rich resources we have in those who are noted experts in this field and those who are as yet un-noted experts in living.

I'm grateful that I'm already becoming aware of some of the fears that stop me from living fully. I can see how stepping back into a leadership role scares me. I've avoided it for many years now. This is an opportunity for me to approach leadership in a new way. The kind of leadership where no one person makes the decisions or has the answers. The kind of leadership where people create a container and hold a space for everyone to thrive, contribute, learn and grow together.

If you'd like to join this experiment and be the leader of your own life as if you have only A YEAR TO LIVE, contact me at Debra@Bcelebrated.com

Death and Dieting

A few people have told me that A YEAR TO LIVE is too big a project. "Why a year?", "That's too long to commit", "People will drop out", "Try a day or a month" and other such comments have been voiced by concerned friends.

"Why a YEAR?" is a good question. Frankly it's the first thing that came to mind and it just felt right. (That's pretty much how I make all important decisions.) I really didn't give the timing of it much thought until I started to get all of these questions and comments. Why a Year indeed?

Then the other day Stacey Grieve and I were talking. Stacey is the founder of Why Are You Weighting, a program that helps people get to the core of their weight issues, stop dieting and achieve the health and body they desire. Stacey knows this territory intimately. When I met her more than two decades ago she weighed 300 pounds. For years she was a yo-yo dieter, always gaining back the weight she had worked so hard to take off. Then about 6 years ago she began studying the mind and learned how our thoughts trigger our feelings, which determine our actions. She began peeling back the thoughts and feelings that lead her to over eat. Once she realized the true cause of her "hunger" she shed over 150 pounds and has kept it off without dieting. It's wonderful to see her so happy, and sharing what she's learned with others.

I was telling Stacey about the feedback I'd gotten from some people about the timing of this experiment. I asked her, "If you only had a day left to live, how would you spend it?". To my surprise she immediately answered, "I'd eat everything I want". After a quick pause she said,"Actually, I wouldn't want to feel stuffed and gross on my last day, so I'd eat well. It would be more important to me that I feel good." Her first answer was a knee-jerk reaction triggered by decades of being a dieter/binger. When Stacey took just a moment to really think about how she'd want to experience her last day, her real values came through. She'd rather feel good than feel full. Since she no longer diets, she no longer binges. It was just old habits speaking. It just took a moment for her to remember who she's become, and respond from that place, rather than the past.

If Stacey hadn't spent years developing new habits regarding food I think she would have stuck with her first response. A day to live would have been a great excuse to indulged in the guilty pleasures of eating all the items that are off limits when we diet. Because Stacey has committed time and energy to uncovering her triggers and basically "reprogramming" her responses she was able to tap into her deeper desire to feel healthy, just by taking a breath.

I feel that some of us are on a "life diet". We have a starve/binge approach to life. We limit ourselves from living fully now, thinking we'll make up for it one day.

I hope that as we commit to a year to really examine how and why we make the choices we do, we'll become more clear about our own values, we'll get to the core of what drives and motivates us, we'll make healthier, more loving choices that benefit ourselves and those around us.

While I think it would be a great experiment to live a day as if it were my last I don't think it would have the long term effects that a year of living consciously may offer. Our intention in creating Bcelebrated wasn't just to help people prepare for death, but to also inspire people to fully embrace LIFE.

To join us in this experiment that begins January 1, 2010, please email me at: Debra@Bcelebrated.com

Forty Two days to go ... things are already happening.

Its' 42 days until A YEAR TO LIVE begins, but already I'm getting "reports from the field" about what is happening for some people.

I had lunch with Pam Maloney who said that since agreeing to live next year as if it's her last she's been more present to her own experience. In yoga class she thought, "what if this was my last class ever?". She didn't push herself to do the best yoga EVER. She didn't feel melancholy or remorse. She focused on her breath and allowed her awareness to turn completely inward to the magic that was going on inside her body. She became immediately aware of the effervescent cell activity. Now, many people might live the next 10 years as if each one was their last and never feel the effervescence of life inside them. We all have different callings, gifts and experiences and this is one of Pam's.

As a child Pam was always aware of this energy inside her. She's a very sensitive being, which is probably why she's a great health practitioner. When she was young she felt that all of this energy she could sense was a bit much for the "real world". It made her different, so she dimmed her own light. She refers to it as switching stations. The station she was tuned into at birth plays this incredible energy and gives her the ability to see auras and sense energies. But to "fit in" she tuned into the station she calls "The Mass Agreement Field". It allows her to feel normal, at the cost of feeling extraordinary.

Agreeing to live next year as her last has inspired her to tap back into the station that was most natural for her as a child. Pam made it through the yoga class, so it probably wasn't her last, but living as it was has re-introduced her to a wonderful world. I can only imagine what the year might bring her.

Before we parted Pam asked, "Do you think by living this way, we'll be feel prepared and open-hearted when the time really comes?"  "I hope so", I answered. I really do.

To join the experiment of Living 2010 as if you only have A YEAR TO LIVE, email me at Debra@Bcelebrated.com

Things are stirring up with A YEAR TO LIVE

When Margot recommended that I invite others to join me in my experiment to live next year as if it's my last I thought it was a great idea. I invited my family first. Then some close friends. Then I sent out an email invite to a larger group and even posted that invite on Facebook and Twitter.

The response has been beyond what I could have imagined. I've been getting a wide and wonderful variety of responses. Many enthusiastic joiners saying things like, "I'm IN!", "This is just what I needed", "I"m scared but excited. Thanks for sharing this idea". Then I got one that stopped me in my tracks. Amidst all of the happy people signing up to live next year with more gusto, passion and consciousness, I got a long email from a man who was very angry with me. He called me IRRESPONSIBLE and REPREHENSIBLE. I've never been called reprehensible before, at least not to my face. He told me he hoped the experiment would get SQUASHED before it got started. He used CAPS so it felt like he was yelling at me. I don't know who this man is but I was shaken by his response to what I am doing.

I responded to his email with as much calm as I could muster. I could tell this man had a deep concern and passion for people. He was worried that I was going to lead them to live wildly for a year and blow all their money. That people would be left destitute at the end of this experiment and I would be to blame. I tried to reassure him that it was not my intent, but in the end I won't take responsibility for how others choose to live their lives. If someone leaves a soul-sapping job and starts a dream career, if passion is rekindled in marriages, people become better parents, or get into the best shape of their life I won't be responsible for that either.

So, why is it that I was so rattled? Well, there are two things at play:

First is that a small part of me is afraid people might have a bad experience next year and blame me. I've had a tendency in my past to feel overly responsible for others. I've grown and now see others as capable, and I know that I can't see what is the best path for others because I'm not living their life. I may have my ideas, and offer suggestions but I don't have the answers. My intention is that people will have a great experience, but life will do what it will and I can't guarantee that any of us will have a good time.

Second is that I really like to be liked. I think of myself as a good person, and it matters to me how others think of me. Clearly it matters too much. In fact I can think of times in my life when I've held myself back for fear that people might think badly of me for stepping out of line, acting too big, following my passion. I don't even know if people have thought badly, just the fear of it has kept me small at times.

Fred's email was a great opportunity for growth for me, and today I am so thankful to him, whoever he is. For me this experience is about growing into the person I want to be. The one who will boldly live her life in love and joy, who will offer inspiration to others to join her in the dance, but trusting that we all hear the music we are meant to hear and we will move in the way that best suits us. So I am moving forward to the music that is calling me to Live a Year like I've never lived before.

Thank you Fred, whoever you are.

If you want to join me in this experiment, email me at; Debra@Bcelebrated.com

Love knows not it's depths until separation

My grandmother died three years ago. Last night I had a dream about her. It wasn't really about her, but she was in it. There was nothing spectacular about the dream. She didn't have any profound message for me from the other side. My family and I were just having a visit with lots of food and lively conversation. In the dream we were all aware that grandma was dead and so having her with us was a real gift. We also knew it wouldn't last. We were each enjoying her so much. When we finished eating I had to leave. I don't know where I had to go, but I know I had to move on. It was so difficult for me to say goodbye because I knew once I did grandma would be gone again.

I woke for a moment, one of those brief interruptions to sleep I sometimes experience between dreams. Tears bedewed my face and pillow. I felt a little sad, but mostly I felt love. My whole body was radiating the deep love I feel for and from my grandma. It was a really sweet sensation. It was as though the love was too big to be contained and therefore leaked out as tears.

I've been having that experience more lately. Unexpected tears of joy and love. I was in Toronto visiting my family, and doing what I do most of the time I'm in Toronto, freezing my arse off in a hockey arena watching my nephews kick some serious hockey butt. In one game my younger nephew, Dana, was knocked to the ground. He stayed down for a while. I would have been more concerned if Dana wasn't prone to a little theatrics. But he was down long enough that when he got up, with the assistance of his coach, everyone in the ring cheered for him as he skated back to the bench. I unexpectedly burst into tears. Maybe I had been a little scared that something was wrong, and was shedding tears of relief. All I knew was that I felt overwhelmed with love, and my body couldn't contain it.

A few days later I was dropping my older nephew off at school. He's in high school now and I keep waiting for the day when it will be totally uncool to be seen with his aunt. Luckily we aren't there yet. I dropped him off right in front of his school and he gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye. No big deal right? So, why did I sob when the school door shut behind him?

The Persian poet, Hafiz, wrote "And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." Perhaps that is what is happening to me. I'm feeling my love so deeply for my grandma because we are separated by life and death, and from my nephews I'm separated by time and thousands of miles. Each year we are apart I feel my love grow stronger.

There are people in your life who will miss you when you are gone. Create a private page to support and comfort them when you sign up for a FREE TRIAL of Bcelebrated.

The Power of Decision-Making

Since deciding, really deciding, to live next year as if it's my last, twelve people have already committed to doing this with me, and there's a buzz about what each of us might do differently.

One thing we'll all be doing is creating a "bucket list". I hate that term so I hope we'll come up with a new one. Whatever we call it, we'll each create a list of the things we'd really like to do before we die. Then we'll narrow it down to the most important ones. I've been giving my list some thought, and realized that if it was just me doing this experiment, it might be rather boring to witness. I tend to live my life pretty fully already, and I'm very happy with how my life is unfolding.

I've made lists previously of things I want to do - skydive, make a gourmet meal from scratch, become a certified yoga instructor, live in a spanish speaking country, make love on the beach under a full moon and more. I've manage to achieve most of those things. So, at 45 what do I really really want to do.

I've started my new list so far it's simple: I would like to swim in the wild with dolphins, return to Vancouver to go to Illuminaries and the Folk Music Festival, but mostly I want to spend more time with the people I love. I want to go to Toronto for several weeks to just be hang out with my parents, brother's family, cousins and friends. I want my nephews to come to Santa Monica and stay with my husband and I so I can take them surfing, hang out on the pier, eat ice cream and go for bike rides. I want to visit my friend Nancy, her husband and my beautiful god-daughter Faith, in a place where no one is working and we can just play.

After deciding to do this experiment and working on my list, some interesting things happened. Nancy invited me to spend time with her family in Hawaii, where I've heard people have swum with dolphins. Accepting her invitation would provide me with two of the experiences I want most. Then, my sister in-law emailed me to see what time of year would work to have our nephews come visit. She's going to put them on a plane and send them down. I danced around the house like a fool when I got the news. I've been wanting my nephews to come visit us for years, but it's never happened - until now.

Today my brother told me that his wife Vera, (mother of the two boys who will be visiting this summer),has booked a trip to Ottawa this winter to skate on the Rideau Canal. It's not a big thing, but it's something she's always wanted to do and since she's also committed to living next year as if it's her last, she's already making things happen.

People have told me they're scared, they're excited, they want to recruit friends. They are asking me lots of questions. I don't have the experiment all figured out. That's why it's an experiment. I believe it will unfold throughout the year. But the year hasn't even begun and I'm uplifted by all of the energy. When we started Bcelebrated we really didn't know where it would take us. I certainly didn't imagine this. But it's going to be interesting and I hope you'll join us.

To join this experiment, email me and let me know you want to commit to next year being A YEAR TO LIVE.
Debra@Bcelebrated.com

When the student is ready...

When the student is ready the teacher arrives. In my case the teacher has come in the form of a book. As soon as I decided to live next year as if I only have A YEAR TO LIVE, I came across a book by Stephen Levine. For over twenty years Stephen and his wife Ondrea have worked gracefully, courageously and creatively to help thousands of people approach their own death with peace, honesty, and an open heart. I have admired their work for many years. The book I found is aptly called A Year to Live.

Turns out my idea is not knew. Stephen lived a year as if it was his last. This book shares his experiences and offers ideas, meditations, and practical advice for living each moment, hour and day mindfully.

Most teachers and spiritual guides from Jesus, Buddha, and Socrates to current day teachers like Eckhart Tolle and Adyashante teach us to practice dying before we die. I've never really understood what is meant by that, but I'm hoping to unravel that mystery over the next year.

I'm hoping that living with this sense of urgency will create a radical shift in consciousness - am I wanting too much? Perhaps. But my experience of those who've been close to death is that a shift does happen. Hearts open, truths are told, loved is expressed, fears are shed - at least for those who are ready to embrace the next adventure.

I've also been with one friend for whom the opposite was true. He shut down as fear overtook the man he use to be. It was heartbreaking. I'm not sure if he was filled with regret, or what it was he feared, but his last days were torturous to witness. I can't imagine how horrible it was to be him during that time.

I don't want to get to the end of my life overwhelmed by fear or filled with regret. But I'm not doing this experiment because of what I don't want. I'm not a person with many regrets, and I'm pretty good at facing my fears and doing things that scare me. In fact one of the reasons I know this experiment is right for me is because it scares me, and I like to explore my fears all the way through to the other side. But mainly I'm doing this experiment to see how much richer, fuller, and deeper my life might become.

Perhaps my life will change in bold and wonderful ways. I'll become a source of joy and inspiration to those around me. Possibly nothing will change and I'll discover that what I have now is as good as it gets. Or maybe I'll find the whole thing is just too damn hard, and I'm not really up to the challenge. That's what makes it an experiment.

Would you like to join me on this journey? Since telling others of my plan, nine people have agreed to also live 2010 as if they only have A YEAR TO LIVE. We're starting January 1st and I'd love to have you join our experiment. If you are interested, let me know.

Live as if you're Going to Die. REALLY.

I decided that I'm really going to do it. I'm going to live as if I'm going to die. I know that sounds ridiculous. We're all going to die, and we all know it. But isn't there a place inside you that denies you're ever going to die? Maybe that's because there's a part of us that isn't ever going to die. Maybe it's because we just don't want to think about the unknown. The unknown can be very scary.

I've never shied away from death. In fact I've found some of the most intimate, beautiful moments I've had with friends have been when they were near death. There's an honesty and vulnerability that comes with the truth of death. I cherish those memories.

I know I'm going to die ONE day. But I certainly don't live as if it could happen ANY day, which it could. I'm really not prepared for it. So I decided that I will live next year as if it's my last year to live. I will put things in order that must be done, but more importantly I will make decisions and take actions based on the belief that it's my last year to experience this life.  My assumption is that by living as though I only have a year to live, my decision-making will be sharper, my values will become clearer, and my life will become more meaningful. 

Will that really happen? I don't know. But I'm excited about the experiment and I'm eager to find out.

Live as if you're Going to Die.

One of the goals of Bcelebrated is to help people experience life as if they are going to die. Yes, the site enables people to document their life story, create private messages for people they love, prepare a notification system for the time of their death and make their last wishes known, but none of those are our "raison d'etre".


Our hope is that as people write about their lives, create messages for loved ones, and prepare for the end of their life, they will benefit from the reflection, be encouraged to live more inspired lives, and leave a legacy of hope and inspiration for others.

So what the heck do I tweet about, blog about, and tell our Facebook fans? I've gotten a lot of good advice regarding topics, but none of them feel like "it". Healthy eating, exercise, spirituality, sexuality, seniors issues, end of life ethics, and estate planning can all be discussed under the banner of Bcelebrated, as they all have to do with living and dying. But they don't capture the spirit of our intent. And besides I'm not an expert in any of them. In fact, I'm not an expert in anything.

Then my friend and mentor Margot Franssen said to me, "The world doesn't need another expert. What we need are advocates! And that's what you are ~ an advocate for living a deeper, more meaningful, spiritual life".

She's right. I'm an advocate for living fully and Bcelebrated is a vehicle to inspire that.

But... what do I tweet about? That question still haunts me. Stay tuned for the answer....

Lessons from my neglected garden.

My friend Nina and I share a garden. Nina's crops thrive under her constant care, daily observations and gentle watering. My portion survives my constant neglect. I have no good excuse for not attending to the garden. I have to walk through it to get to my front door, so distance is not a factor. 

Partly my neglect is due to drought. Living in Southern California I feel guilty every time I water my crops, so these vegetables have become an experiment in survival of the fittest. Partly it is due to ignorance. Once I have watered, I have no idea what else I am suppose to do. I see Nina out there bending over each plant, examining it, taking bits off, propping other portions up. I'm not sure what she is doing. Sometimes I go out and talk to her when she is doing her rounds, but I still can't quite figure out what is going on.

I love having a garden though. The beauty of it's bounty fills me with joy. Picking lettuce, tomatoes and herbs for salads only moments before they will be eaten never ceases to delight me. Harvesting butternut squash and collard greens to go with dinner feels like a miracle every time.

What amazes me most about the garden though, is how generous and forgiving it is. I can practically ignore it for the better part of a week, but when I want to eat from it, as long as I've planted the seed and watered it from time to time, it's ready to supply me with my gastronomic desires. And when I totally ignore a plant for too long it does the most incredible thing. It bolts, flowers, and produces thousands of seeds, giving me the chance to start all over again.

I can learn a lot about being more resilient, more generous and more giving from my garden.

What life lessons have you learned that you want to share with others? Leave them as part of your legacy on your Bcelebrated site. 

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